First Member of the SP Party
I'm not going to lie, I listen to Bill O'Reilly. There's not much on the radio in the mid-day slot so I tune in to hear the day's news run through a filter of insane, right-wing lunacy. It's an important lesson because he is an extremely powerful and popular guy. He's also an extremely creepy fellow and there's no reason to explore that point any further. The Water- Cooler haters will always think that his opinions are gospel, my blue state crew will always shake our heads in disgust, and never the twain shall meet. However, today he gave me a great idea.
His show relies on a few well-worn buzz phrases that just get jumbled up and smattered onto each new Bush controversy to somehow make it look like that administration isn't completely awash in mismanagement and corruption. The most minor Bush mistakes are vociferously decried by O'Reilly so that he can maintain the illusion of being an [scoff] independent.
More important mistakes are dealt with in one of three ways. The smallest in this category are said to be a case of the liberal media (by the way, "liberal media" is just a derisive dysphemism for what most people would consider the most reputable news sources in the United States) nitpicking and trying to sabotage a leader who is clearly beyond reproach. The more moderately-sized gaffes are swept under the rug by comparing them to the Monica Lewinsky affair. Whatever medium-sized disaster we see this week from Bush-Cheney will pale in comparison to the colossal blunders of Bill Clinton. It's the ultimate conservative defense mechanism and knee-jerk reaction. When times get tough, the tough blame Clinton.
When Bush makes a particularly large mistake or when O'Reilly really gets fired up about the erosion of ultra-conservative values like racism, sexism, and state-sanctioned religion, Bill goes to his big guns. That's when he drops the most powerful weapon in his arsenal. He blames the "secular progressives." Taken alone, neither of these words is particularly threatening to an ultra-conservative. But when they are paired in O'Reilly world, secular progressives become the grisly spectre of all that is wrong with America. O'Reilly's loudest rants and longest crusades are against perceived attacks from the secular progressives.
Today I was listening to Bill and lamenting the fact that I actually agreed with his latest barrage of vitriol against the Democratic Party. It's a shame that the Dems have allowed themselves to become such an easy target. Their middle-of-the-road, namby pamby attempts to please everyone don't work on the moderates and they disgust those of us who are true liberals. That's when I had an idea.
I know third parties haven't worked in the last 100 years, but maybe it's time for that to change. I'm ready to kick the Hillary Clintons of this world to the curb. They don't speak for me anymore. I'm secular and progressive and I'm not afraid to shout it from the rooftops. Join me!!! We already know that we embody all that O'Reilly hates, so let's co-opt his favorite demon and become the Secular Progressive Party. It actually even sounds like a legitimate party that you would see in the election returns of a Western European nation! Every good bad guy needs a hero as an antagonist. Bill O'Reilly and his followers are the world's best bad guy.
Admitting that they support the secular and progressive cause seems to be the one thing that the Democratic Party cannot do these days. You know what I say to that? Your loss. The Democratic party is trying to be the "third way" in American politics, but where's the second way?!?!? There's the Republican's way and there's the Democrat's slightly different but still playing it safe way. I'm tired of that. We have a party for war and a party with a slightly different approach to war. What about a party for peace? We have a party that's against gay rights and a party that supports some gay rights. What about a party for total gay equality?
I'll finish working on the platform and you guys print up some buttons.
I'm not going to lie, I listen to Bill O'Reilly. There's not much on the radio in the mid-day slot so I tune in to hear the day's news run through a filter of insane, right-wing lunacy. It's an important lesson because he is an extremely powerful and popular guy. He's also an extremely creepy fellow and there's no reason to explore that point any further. The Water- Cooler haters will always think that his opinions are gospel, my blue state crew will always shake our heads in disgust, and never the twain shall meet. However, today he gave me a great idea.
His show relies on a few well-worn buzz phrases that just get jumbled up and smattered onto each new Bush controversy to somehow make it look like that administration isn't completely awash in mismanagement and corruption. The most minor Bush mistakes are vociferously decried by O'Reilly so that he can maintain the illusion of being an [scoff] independent.
More important mistakes are dealt with in one of three ways. The smallest in this category are said to be a case of the liberal media (by the way, "liberal media" is just a derisive dysphemism for what most people would consider the most reputable news sources in the United States) nitpicking and trying to sabotage a leader who is clearly beyond reproach. The more moderately-sized gaffes are swept under the rug by comparing them to the Monica Lewinsky affair. Whatever medium-sized disaster we see this week from Bush-Cheney will pale in comparison to the colossal blunders of Bill Clinton. It's the ultimate conservative defense mechanism and knee-jerk reaction. When times get tough, the tough blame Clinton.
When Bush makes a particularly large mistake or when O'Reilly really gets fired up about the erosion of ultra-conservative values like racism, sexism, and state-sanctioned religion, Bill goes to his big guns. That's when he drops the most powerful weapon in his arsenal. He blames the "secular progressives." Taken alone, neither of these words is particularly threatening to an ultra-conservative. But when they are paired in O'Reilly world, secular progressives become the grisly spectre of all that is wrong with America. O'Reilly's loudest rants and longest crusades are against perceived attacks from the secular progressives.
Today I was listening to Bill and lamenting the fact that I actually agreed with his latest barrage of vitriol against the Democratic Party. It's a shame that the Dems have allowed themselves to become such an easy target. Their middle-of-the-road, namby pamby attempts to please everyone don't work on the moderates and they disgust those of us who are true liberals. That's when I had an idea.
I know third parties haven't worked in the last 100 years, but maybe it's time for that to change. I'm ready to kick the Hillary Clintons of this world to the curb. They don't speak for me anymore. I'm secular and progressive and I'm not afraid to shout it from the rooftops. Join me!!! We already know that we embody all that O'Reilly hates, so let's co-opt his favorite demon and become the Secular Progressive Party. It actually even sounds like a legitimate party that you would see in the election returns of a Western European nation! Every good bad guy needs a hero as an antagonist. Bill O'Reilly and his followers are the world's best bad guy.
Admitting that they support the secular and progressive cause seems to be the one thing that the Democratic Party cannot do these days. You know what I say to that? Your loss. The Democratic party is trying to be the "third way" in American politics, but where's the second way?!?!? There's the Republican's way and there's the Democrat's slightly different but still playing it safe way. I'm tired of that. We have a party for war and a party with a slightly different approach to war. What about a party for peace? We have a party that's against gay rights and a party that supports some gay rights. What about a party for total gay equality?
I'll finish working on the platform and you guys print up some buttons.
posted by adelino @ 12:19 PM
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