An Extended Hiatus

My god, is it summer already? Looks like I've fallen down on the job. Once again like a phoenix, The Water Cooler aches to rise from the ashes. However, the author has become enmeshed in life. Lets call it a hiatus even though we may be kidding ourselves.

As a young boy, I was in love with a short-lived television show called Misfits of Science. It was a mid-80s stab at the now-tired X-Men gimmick that featured Courtney Cox before she became Alex P. Keaton's second serious girlfriend. For some reason, it was appointment television to this little guy. One day it went away and I was crushed. In a desperate search for any explanation, I came across a fleeting reference to the show and how it was placed on temporary hiatus. "Hiatus" was not a word that I'd encountered before, so I ran to the dictionary. My heart soared when I learned that my show was on a break and (according to Webster) would someday return. I'm still waiting for that someday.

Thanks to anybody who ever read.

Unique Musique

If anyone is interested in making music, I have started a new website aimed at simplifying the collaborative process. Hmmm, that makes it sound more complicated than it is. If you are interested in creating art in a new way, check this out. So far, it's not getting the kind of response that I had hoped for (at least one hit), but I'm not here to beat myself up over it.

Nobody loves me.

Anyway, it's a neat idea (dammit) and maybe somebody will like it and use it.

Go see Chappelle's Block Party

I don't go to the movies very often because I don't particularly like movies. They're too expensive, too expansive, and very rarely seem to be worth the 2 hours of my life. That said, I love Dave Chappelle and have always been impressed with Michel Gondry's work. When I heard that the pair had teamed up on a concert film featuring some of my favorite artists in the hip-hop game, I was excited. The movie did not disappoint. If you like Chappelle, go see it. If you like Gondry, go see it. If you like music, go see it. Most importantly, go see it if you don't like hip-hop and rap. You might just change your mind.

Block Party is like a modern Woodstock. It's like the Woodstock movie without all of the psychedelic drugs, over-dramatized politics, and overstuffed, self-indulgent musical performances.* However, it is similarly significant for being a subcultural snapshot. As a concert movie it is incredibly adept at illustrating how much this music means to the people behind the event and in the crowd. Don't get me wrong, there are some politics in the movie. Chappelle is fantastic at examining issues of race and class. I read a review that said Chappelle uses comedy to make the political issues more palatable. I don't agree with that. Chappelle's concern isn't making the politics easier to swallow or lessening the blow of reality. His goal is to use comedy to make the entire film engaging. You don't have to necessarily feel bad about the harsh facts of life as long as you understand them and are aware that they're wrong.

Like any movie worth $9.50, Block Party leaves the viewer feeling like he has experienced something great. Afterwards, I felt more happy, enlightened, and excited than when I went in. Chappelle's enthusiasm and passion are infectious. The music is great although none of the artists get the camera time that they deserve. All in all, it beats a manipulative piece of crap like "Crash" any day of the week.


*By the way, with Martin Scorsese as a lead editor, it's no small wonder that Woodstock is over 3 hours long.

First Member of the SP Party

I'm not going to lie, I listen to Bill O'Reilly. There's not much on the radio in the mid-day slot so I tune in to hear the day's news run through a filter of insane, right-wing lunacy. It's an important lesson because he is an extremely powerful and popular guy. He's also an extremely creepy fellow and there's no reason to explore that point any further. The Water- Cooler haters will always think that his opinions are gospel, my blue state crew will always shake our heads in disgust, and never the twain shall meet. However, today he gave me a great idea.

His show relies on a few well-worn buzz phrases that just get jumbled up and smattered onto each new Bush controversy to somehow make it look like that administration isn't completely awash in mismanagement and corruption. The most minor Bush mistakes are vociferously decried by O'Reilly so that he can maintain the illusion of being an [scoff] independent.

More important mistakes are dealt with in one of three ways. The smallest in this category are said to be a case of the liberal media (by the way, "liberal media" is just a derisive dysphemism for what most people would consider the most reputable news sources in the United States) nitpicking and trying to sabotage a leader who is clearly beyond reproach. The more moderately-sized gaffes are swept under the rug by comparing them to the Monica Lewinsky affair. Whatever medium-sized disaster we see this week from Bush-Cheney will pale in comparison to the colossal blunders of Bill Clinton. It's the ultimate conservative defense mechanism and knee-jerk reaction. When times get tough, the tough blame Clinton.

When Bush makes a particularly large mistake or when O'Reilly really gets fired up about the erosion of ultra-conservative values like racism, sexism, and state-sanctioned religion, Bill goes to his big guns. That's when he drops the most powerful weapon in his arsenal. He blames the "secular progressives." Taken alone, neither of these words is particularly threatening to an ultra-conservative. But when they are paired in O'Reilly world, secular progressives become the grisly spectre of all that is wrong with America. O'Reilly's loudest rants and longest crusades are against perceived attacks from the secular progressives.

Today I was listening to Bill and lamenting the fact that I actually agreed with his latest barrage of vitriol against the Democratic Party. It's a shame that the Dems have allowed themselves to become such an easy target. Their middle-of-the-road, namby pamby attempts to please everyone don't work on the moderates and they disgust those of us who are true liberals. That's when I had an idea.

I know third parties haven't worked in the last 100 years, but maybe it's time for that to change. I'm ready to kick the Hillary Clintons of this world to the curb. They don't speak for me anymore. I'm secular and progressive and I'm not afraid to shout it from the rooftops. Join me!!! We already know that we embody all that O'Reilly hates, so let's co-opt his favorite demon and become the Secular Progressive Party. It actually even sounds like a legitimate party that you would see in the election returns of a Western European nation! Every good bad guy needs a hero as an antagonist. Bill O'Reilly and his followers are the world's best bad guy.

Admitting that they support the secular and progressive cause seems to be the one thing that the Democratic Party cannot do these days. You know what I say to that? Your loss. The Democratic party is trying to be the "third way" in American politics, but where's the second way?!?!? There's the Republican's way and there's the Democrat's slightly different but still playing it safe way. I'm tired of that. We have a party for war and a party with a slightly different approach to war. What about a party for peace? We have a party that's against gay rights and a party that supports some gay rights. What about a party for total gay equality?

I'll finish working on the platform and you guys print up some buttons.

Wide open spaces...with tightly closed minds

Thanks South Dakota. Thanks a lot. I'm sure that you rubes know what's best for the rest of the country. I'm sure that a bunch of extras from "Fargo" understand the complexities of gynecology and obstetrics. You probably all have PhDs in sociology and could teach these pesky blue states about how hard it is to be young, poor, single, black, and pregnant in the American urban landscape. That's why your state government is so well-qualified to dictate reproductive politics for the 99.99% of this nation that doesn't live in a wheat field.

Yesterday on NPR I heard a frigid and self-righteous Dakotan ask rhetorically, "why shouldn't America be more like the heartland?" Honestly, my only conceivable answer to that question would be to run screaming into a wood chipper. America should almost always look to the heartland and do the exact opposite. Why? Because the heartland is whitebread, conservative, and LAME. It's a land full of people who are so out of touch and colloquial that they don't realize what the rest of the country thinks of them. I'm sure that if they had the internet in South Dakota, an irate cowboy would respond with, “we don't care what the rest of the country thinks of us.” That's just fine. In fact, it's an admirable and relatively progressive way to think. It's the essence of being pro-choice. Do what you want, and don't spend any time trying to make decisions for other people. This country is tolerant and free enough to allow its people to have abortions if they want them and to visit megachurches and form creepy rural militias if they don't.

We'll see how this plays out over the next few weeks. I know that there's panic in the pro-choice camps, but hopefully that's premature. Justices Alito and Roberts seem to be intelligent men of reason. Their confirmation quasi-trials were a sham and a microcosm of all that's bad about the Democratic Party these days. Though a bit misguided in their personal politics, let's hope that they can live up to their “strict constructionist” billing when it is applied to a longstanding precedent like Roe v. Wade.

Magazine Whore Revisited

The Water Cooler was not intended to be a forum for promoting and discussing new magazines and periodicals. It's a shame that I can't expound on the literary classics and latest in experimental fiction. I hope I'm not a disgrace to librarians everywhere. What can I say, I like the pretty pictures.

A few months ago I recommended a fantastic new science magazine called SEED. It remains to be a diamond in the newsstand rough because of its incredibly clear, exciting, and non pedantic writing style. Just like my beautiful wife, the magazine's treatment and stance on controversial issues like stem cell research keep me captivated. However, I was first drawn to it because it's just so nice to look at. Seed breaks new ground in its presentation and layout.

This weekend I discovered two magazines that take the medium even further. Cabinet has been around for about 4 years and has been pushing the envelope of graphic design throughout that time. It's no surprise that it comes out of New York's conceptual art community. Each issue is a collage of interesting and challenging photography. It presents some of today's leaders in a variety of new art movements. Before I make it even more abundantly clear that I'm out of my depth when it comes to discussing art, let me say that there's more to Cabinet than a collection of inscrutable and abstract photographs. There's inscrutable writing too! Just kidding. Actually, the writing is once again a really substantive bonus to this beautiful magazine. The articles run a wide gamut from academic and theoretical to narrative fiction. The most recent issue has a triptych piece that blends a history of the .50 caliber machine gun with a biography of actor/soldier Audie Murphy and an account of the annual Knob Creek Range shootout. The magazine is published four times per year and a 4 year subscription costs $28.

The second magazine selection is a complete departure from the printed word. Many of you probably already read the often hilarious online version of McSweeney's. Dave Eggers started McSweeney's as a literary journal in 1998. Since then it has branched into a number of printed and online titles. In January, Eggers began a new magazine called Wholphin. Wholphin is a DVD magazine that will come out about four times each year. You have the link and can read for yourselves so I won't spoil any of the DVD content. It will suffice to say that Wholphin is a collection of short films by some well-respected artists that you probably won't see anywhere else.

A one year subscription to Wholphin will cost you $40. However, a lifetime subscription to The Water Cooler still won't cost you a dime.

"All the verbose socio-political exasperation that's fit to print."

Not in the face!

If you were to tell someone from another country that the vice-president of your nation had just shot someone in the face and then asked them to guess where you were from, they would probably pick Haiti, Central America, or somewhere in Western Africa. They would probably never guess the USA, but they would be wrong. Does Hallmark make a "sorry for shooting you in the face" card? Dick Cheney might want to grab one at the drug store the next time he's waiting for his various heart prescriptions.

It doesn't really bother me that Cheney shot someone in the face. The victim seems to be handling it pretty well. If he believes it was an accident and holds no grudges, then I'm okay with it. Besides, hunting is a pretty dangerous activity. It's not like the vice-president has any formal military training. He couldn't go to Vietnam because he was too busy going to Casper Community College part-time. Despite his years of hunting experience, I can't fault Cheney for a hunting mishap. If you spend more of your time hunting birds than hunting Osama, this is bound to happen. However, I can fault Cheney and his press camp for the way that they've handled this situation since the shooting.

First of all, Cheney's camp didn't even admit this whole thing had happened until they were outed in the local Corpus Christi newspaper. Once it became clear that everyone would eventually find out, Cheney's office grudgingly gave over the details. Surely I'm not the only one who finds this to be deplorable behavior. I know he's a weasel, but he's also our vice-president. Charles Barkley might be able to get away with claiming that he isn't a role model, but not the vice-president. Cheney missed a golden opportunity to turn this negative into a positive. He could have used this unfortunate circumstance to show some leadership. I'm no public relations wizard, but I know an opportunity for spin when I see it. How about coming out and admitting what you did and using it as a way to show the need for increased gun safety and education. How about being a man instead of just killing defenseless animals to feel like one.

If his attempt to bury this story wasn't bad enough, Cheney also tried to pin the blame on his hunting buddy. Every account of the accident that I've read, claims that the victim was 30 yards away and behind the vice-president when he got blasted. I don't have too much experience with guns, but I do know that the first rule of gun safety is to stay a safe distance behind the shooter. 30 yards seems like a pretty safe distance to me. According to Cheney's office, the victim still should have notified the hunting party of his location. I'm sure there's some truth in that, but they were trying to sneak up on little birds. From what I've seen on ESPN Outdoors, that kind of hunting seems to require silence. Regardless of the victim's role in the accident, Dick Cheney is the one who broke the cardinal rule of hunting.

The vice-president shot a man in the face and then tried to put the blame on someone else. That fact alone should have everyone worried. This incident has been getting a great deal of coverage in the American news media, but most of it superficially focuses on the act of violence itself. As I said before, this wasn't a malicious act. Hunting is dangerous and Dick Cheney made a mistake, but it wasn't a huge mistake. However, if he's willing to go to these lengths to cover up and distort a relatively small and honest mistake, imagine what he is capable of when the circumstances are infinitely more critical. We all know people who would do whatever it takes to deny their mistakes and blame other people. Do we like those people? Do we allow those people to make decisions for us? The little events like these can be a good barometer of someone's general behavior and the true test of their character.

Not to brag, but...

Two weeks ago, I talked about the incredible amount of money being spent by the federal government on Katrina relief. There is no better use of our federal monies than to help those families in the Gulf Coast who lost everything. In that post, I focused on the large sums being spent and how that money (if distributed fairly and evenly) could go a long way in bringing about economic and social change. However, my contention was that realistically, the billions would probably be mismanaged and wasted. It would never make it into the hands of those that needed it most. A story just came over the AP that confirms my fears. Millions are being wasted and those that were left destitute by the storm will remain destitute. Katrina money is finding its way into the hands of con men and other unscrupulous characters.

This is the first of what will probably become a flood of similar stories. The only cases of fraudulent activity to make the papers will be the ones that get caught. Imagine the quasi-legal and government-sanctioned fraud that we will never hear about. I really wish that I had been wrong about this.